UR$ 1.06

1.06 Money is only an Idea

What do you think about money?

No, I mean really- what ideas do you hold about money?

How do you feel when you think about “having money"?

Is money power or poison in your experience?

Does money do a good service to the world or keep it divided?

Should everyone in the household make money or should there be only one main provider?

Ask yourself these questions and explore what emotions or memories come up because chances are you never have.

Do you assume that everyone thinks of money as your family did like when you were growing up?

Is questioning money a defiant act in your circle?

How do the people around you treat people when they have money? When they need money?

I hope you are beginning to see that handling your checking account is so much more than just checking the balance before a purchase.

If you don’t know what you are building, if you don’t know how you will build it, and you don’t even know why you want money….. then you’re never gonna get large amounts of money and keep it.

Money is an idea. It’s like “class", “respect", “integrity"….abstract ideas that each person must define for themselves. 

One person considers daily, hourly calls to be “love" while another person considers not being bothered at work the idea of “love".

So what is your idea of “enough" money?

“Too much" money?

“Not worth the effort" money?

These are ideas that are unique to you and can’t be outlines in a Self Finances book.

Do you want to have free time or are you happiest when you devote 50 hours a week to a company? Only you know the truth for your own happiness.

I have witnessed too many times when couples get together and never talk about their ideas of money. They assume that because they are physically attracted to one another that the money “stuff" will just not be an issue.

But, of course, it always becomes an issue at some point.

Do you value birthday gifts over an emergency savings fund?

Is getting a massage every month more important than a monthly “date night"?

Should the dogs get gourmet food before the kids do?

These are all linked to your idea of money and what you are trying to build with it.

There is a popular buzzword “FIRE" that stands for Financially Independent Retired Early. And this is a very common topic in such groups- “How do you date during FIRE?”

Everyone expects games during a date. And most people assume millionaires should lie about their net worth until they find someone who cares about them more than their money.

But what about if you have your car paid off and your house almost paid off and haven’t purchased a new pair of jeans in 2 years? Do you put on your dating profile “I never eat out, don’t drive a fancy car, give a stock share for birthday gifts, and enjoy long walks to save gas"?

Money is an idea. Just like “soulmate", “freedom", and “community”. Before you can see what someone else values in life…you must know what you value.

Knowing what you value and then expressing that value through your habits and your standards is healthy.

Every self made billionaire built different paths for themselves. Thankfully we do not have to accumulate billions to live an abundant life.

So start asking yourself what financial abundance on your unique journey would mean.

And if you find you hold unhealthy, toxic, outdated, or unnecessary ideas about money….change your mind.

As children we adapted the implied beliefs of those around us, never realizing that we were witnessing them growing up too. It’s OK to question.

It is ok to change and to try new beliefs.

Money is only an idea in your head. You are in control.

It costs zero money to change your mindset.

Why Live 2.8

2.8 Glory is a Delusion

Especially in the time where people are exposed to so much content, “15 minutes of fame" has turned in “15 seconds" if you’re lucky.

I’m sure you have something at some point in your life where you feel pretty good about yourself. 

For my dad, it as bragging about how when he came home from the Marines he was stronger than his own father. I heard that brag at many different social gatherings.

It was his glory to tell all the world.

But I was humbled one day when my dad and grandfather were standing in the kitchen. I’d come in for some strawberry milk and my dad play wrestled me for it like he always did.

I told him to stop because his “tickles" were hurting. I’ll never forget my grandfather telling my dad to stop. My dad almost dropped me, he pulled away so fast.

Even though my dad would tell the whole world he was stronger than my grandfather… I witnessed the power of glory.

It has been repeated several times since that day where I have witnessed what people claim their glory to be…. is actually just a wish.

A delusion they created internally to make themselves feel stronger or more important or special.

It is a version of reality they desperately wish to live.

I’ve been cautious to keep my own tales of glory at bay. 

Life may not always be great but it is reality and I’d rather deal with reality than be helpless in a delusion.

Today, with social media, it’s typical to see post after post about all the glory people are experiencing through accomplishments and relationships. 

I have witnessed first had couples who post everything is perfect with their relationship vs couples who might not even post at all.

See, creating and maintaining glory is a management job. You have to promote the story, put energy behind it so people are moved by it, dedicate time in telling it over and over again, and you have to defend it from becoming someone else’s glory.

That’s fabrication.

Where people who do not seek glory can put their efforts, their time, and their attention towards something else.

A couple trying to make perfect backgrounds for their next picture are not actually connecting with one another. Sitting by a fire holding hands and talking about how much you like peanut butter and honey sandwiches would produce a much greater coupling.

The same is true about an artist friend who spent so much time trying to look attractive for his posts that he started to slack on his paintings. Glory is a delusion.

The couples who don’t seek glory post pictures too. But spur of the moment, les than perfect pictures.

The artists who adore their work post selfie with their art. In 3 day old pj’s with total bed head.

It’s all about living the love of life vs seeking the glory for others to think you are loving life.

A woman who talked about reading books to everyone reads less than I do. She was trying to brag to me about reading a book a week. Which is impressive and I let her live her glory. She never knew that I had read 8 books that week.

I read to explore other psyches. It fascinates me endless. Here is a world view that I could never have come up with on my own! But no one hears me bragging. I seek no glory for my love of life. I simple love it.

So ask yourself what areas are you loving your life and what areas are you seeking glory for that love?

In the time you put into posts about the perfect way to do your makeup, you could have been talking on the phone with your cousin and creating new hilarious inside jokes.

Glory does not last.

Glory is a delusion for your emotional deficit.

Why Live 2.7

2.7 Have Few Goals

The beginner in anything isn’t a master.

That should seem obvious to you but most of us have been caught up in setting expectations of our performance that is way above our current ability.

“Everyone has to start somewhere.”

“Start where you are.”

“A journey of a 1,000 miles starts with 1 step forward.”

Make yourself think of a goal you currently have.

Maybe it’s to win over your crush or to pay off some debt or to lose 10 lbs.

Whatever it is, think about it.

If you feel emotion when you think of it, keep that goal. If you don’t, think of a different one until you hit upon one that generates emotion in you.

Focus is best.

The goals that are emotional to you will keep your attention longer. Increasing the odds that you’ll finish your goal.

At the end of the day, for most of us, we still have several items on our To Do lists and they keep getting pushed off without any negative effects in our lives.

I have learned I get more done when I give myself only 2-4 goals for the day.

Focus is more productive than quantity. 

It was an adjustment for me at first because I had come to associate a long list of tasks accomplished with my self worth.

I went through all sorts of depressed states when I started keeping my To Do list limited at 4 goals.

See I had set the expectation internally that I should be doing 30-50 tasks a day to be happy. So I had set myself up to get depressed.

Once I learned what messages my emotions are actually telling me then it became easy to anticipate how I would react. I was already prepared to feel sad and had things in place to counteract it.

Day 1 of starting I knew wouldn’t be that bad because I was just “trying it out". So Day 3 I booked a massage. Followed by a lunch date with a good friend on Day 4.

Emotions are going to happen, don’t try to stop being human. Learn to understand the feelings, to anticipate them, and to cope with them so you can keep focused on your life goals.

Emotions are a part of life so work them into your goals.

I actually assign a feeling with each daily goal as a guess about how I will feel. It’s become a fun mental game to me- how well do I know myself?!

Sometimes I’m right but sometimes I’m surprised by the emotions that come up. And I love when I’m surprised because the emotions (now that I’m not fighting them) are telling me my core expectations and standards.

When you know where you are then you can make a better plan on how to get where you want to go.

When I was in the mindset of having a ton of goals a day I wasn’t aware that I was pushing off the big important goals just so I could tell myself that I was doing a good job.

It wasn’t until I only allowed myself to focus on 2-4 goals a day that I became aware of it.

Instead of making a YouTube video I’d run the store then take out the trash then food prep for the week and then do a workout.

The things I were doing were healthy tasks. But they weren’t moving my life forward.

I’ve come to ask this 1 question of every single goal I set “Is completing this task moving my life forward or just running me in circles?”

Life will waste your entire life if you let it. And most people do.

You aren’t fighting them, your real enemy is entropy. 

All of life, the very definition of life, is organisms that can resist entropy. Because we can’t defeat it. One day, we all die. So make your efforts count. Focus.

Why Live 2.6

2.6 Vitamins are Self Love

Unless you live in lands enriched naturally, chances are good that the food you can buy is depleted of nutrients.

Oh sure, it will look delicious and probably taste very sugary. But the nutritional content will be low.

Humans are evolved to survive. If you are in a modern city then chances are that you are told to constantly be eating.

You snack in between meals and then add on appetizers and desserts. You watch TV or read a book with a high calorie drink. 

In fact, some of you don’t even let your Worm Brain rest overnight because you shuffle over to the fridge for a late night munchie.

I always suggest people take some tests to discover their blood type, their current vitamin levels, and their family history. We are living in the information age so use that to your advantage. 

Do you even know how many vitamins the human body needs?

Do you know their roles in the body processes?

If you don’t know how your body works then how can you get upset when it breaks down? 

And once it does start to become off-balanced there are plenty of industries eager and willing to take all your money then still not educate you about your nutritional needs.

It is your choice what you do with your life and staying controlled is the easiest choice that leads to the hardest life.

You’ll have excuses come up, we all do. It’s not fun to read nutritional journals, read them anyways. It’s emotionally unrewarded to try to keep with a new group workout, do what you can just keep moving. It’s embarrassing to tell people at holidays that you won’t eat the treats they have prepared, don’t consume anything that hurts your Worm Brain.

Start small.

For me it was Vitamin A. I learned about its role in the body while researching hair production. You see, I’ve always had thin hair that comes out by the handful a day when I brush. Growing up it happened to everyone else in my home so I just assumed that was genetic. Turns out my life long diet had lead to a deficiency in my body’s ability to synthesis proteins efficiently.

So I started with a tiny pill a day.

That’s all it takes. A little self education and then a little habit change.

Stay consistent with it and you will feel the results.

This isn’t about trying to lose weight or gain muscle or look a certain way.

This is about mental clarity, being able to sleep throughout the night for deep repair, having steady levels of energy, and quality of life.

Focus on the health and your best looks will emerge so don’t focus on it. Pay attention to your food sources and learn how your body actually works.

I know you’ll want to quit, especially in the beginning with only a vague faith to keep you going.

And it’s one of those things in life where if you never experience it then you’ll never fully understand it.

Being a young girl, of course I heard about babies and childbirth. But until I experienced it for myself I really had no grasp of what a change the body goes through.

I had heard of intermittent fasting but until I actually made it a practice in my life, I had no clue how “foggy" my brain had gotten. The first week was especially challenging because I was very out of balanced. But the 2nd week I noticed my vision wasn’t getting blurry in the evenings anymore. By the next month, my mental clarity was so focused that old projects that I’d been putting off now seemed like joyful games that I couldn’t wait to get back into.

I made small changes, adjusted. Then re-evaluated. If needed, made another small change and adjusted.

This doesn’t have to be a great show of effort. Just a start with a vitamin.

Why Live 2.5

2.5 Self Regulation of Social Media

I went to high school before there was such a thing as YouTube or Facebook.

Most of my friends didn’t even have computers let alone years of selfie on Instagram. 

So this whole culture of self documentation for social gain doesn’t really make sense to me.

I have coached many people who seem obsessed with knowing who posted what about whom. Other than like 8 people, I really have no curiosity about the events of other people’s lives.

So I was shocked to find out that I was addicted to social media too. It was brought to my attention when I was advised to keep all blue light emitting devices away from you for the first hour of your day and the last 2 hours of your day so that your brain can wake normally and shut down for sleep naturally.

I was full of self confidence- until I realized that meant no scrolling Facebook for my motivational memes, no YouTube for my morning podcasts, no Pandora for my background noise, and no typing on my next book!

I was less than happy.

When that hour timer (a kitchen timer mind you not my phone) went off… I about leapt to my phone to have my daily dose of motivation, education, and expression.

We are social animals and we evolved to crave interaction with others. Social media let’s us have all the pretty happy side of Socializing without any of the fears of rejection. So it’s only logical that many people have found comfort in it.

And I think we all enjoy being comfortable most of the time.

So don’t stop. Just become aware and start to structure your habits around social media.

As I have already stated, I have learned that an hour in the morning and a 2 hour period of night with a strict no phone/computer time was a great starting point for me.

Now, note that I said Regulation and restriction. Don’t starve yourself of your social needs.

Just become aware of how often you seek a certain feeling from social media.

Then play with other options that might give you the same feeling. 

If you’re a little lost and don’t know what feelings you get then I suggest you buy a little notebook and start writing them down as they come to you.

This is all about becoming aware of the self.

It’s easier to “just be and see where it goes" and our brains do try to conserve energy wherever possible. So understand that you will have a tendency to want to avoid.

If self exploration and maturing were pleasurable then everyone would do it.

Social media can be healthy or unhealthy. Plenty of content is available for learning new skills, for becoming aware of how your body and Psyche work. But there is also a lot of toxic content. 

Become aware of what you are observing and why. Videos and photos are artificial and that means that our brains and our bodies are not naturally equipped to deal with them. In any amount.

Regulating how much blue light you expose yourself, consciously choosing healthy content to consume, and being happy without social media prompts are powerful first steps.

I know, I do, that seeking happiness is an addiction we all have. I get it. Many times when we do something to self discipline,  we tell ourselves that it’s a punishment.

But is it really punishment to commit to being independent emotionally? 

To declare that power over your emotional responses will be taken away from the content creators and given solely to you.

Because that is the theme I have seen in every unhealed person- they are not in control, the emotions are controlling them.

I want you to heal. I want you to gracefully self regulate and express yourself consciously. 

Peer pressure, shiny objects, and “SQUIRREL” effect are very real.

It’s time you took control. 

Why Live 2.4

2.4 I Value My Emotional Experiences

I’ve been the only female in most of my trucking jobs. As such, I’ve been haggled with sayings like “oh careful, she’s gonna cry about it" or “you can’t hold a logical conversation with a woman” and many more variations of ignorance.

While it is true that men and women both feel emotions….it is also true that women feel emotions more intensely and men process emotions differently. 

A man’s brain can be thinking or feeling. A woman’s brain, thanks to some nerves connecting both sides of the brain, is always doing both.

This is where the sexes have many issues that get “lost in translation”.

When explaining women, I ask the guys to think of the last time they were overcome with high emotion. Maybe a bar fight or the loss of a parent.

Then I ask them to explain what that was like in a few words. “seeing red" “blacking out" “jekyll and hyde" “hulking out" are common answers to describe how “out of control" they were in those moments of high emotion.

Then I ask the “how quickly were you able calm down after that?” 

The most common answers are: immediately or pretty quick.

I explain that they were in their thinking brain but then they went into their feeling brain. Once the feeling had run its course, they switched back over to the thinking brain. Most men seem to get this explanation.

Then I tell them “Now imagine that you were never able to switch between thinking or feeling but instead were always on some level of ‘seeing red/hulking out' that never left you.”

Usually the responses are “I’d be exhausted" and “No way, no one can function like that all the time!”

This is the point where I tell them now they understand why women are always exhausted and can’t seem to function logically.

When a man processes a situation, he is able to apply pure logical thought to it.

A woman is not. She must feel always and feelings are not logical.

Now, a woman can apply logic *after* she feels. Another reason why most women come back with an apology after a fight. 

The same is true that men apply emotions after the logic. “The chair broke and we easily afford to buy a new one. But now that you tell me your best friend gave it to you, I can see why you are feeling sad.”

I value my emotional experiences.

They are each little friends and confidantes that support me and guide me through life because I have taken the time to learn them, to understand them, and to nurture them.

But I do not ask men to tap into their emotions. I ask them to think about it logically and then guess at an emotion that might be a result of that particular situation. 

Just as I don’t ask women to think about it situation,  I ask them to explore how they feel.  Then I ask them to apply some logic to the situation. 

If men would let women feel first and women would let men process logic first, many relationships would blossom.

Women love the logic that a healthy man can provide such as making plans and figuring out finances. And men love to experience a healthy woman emotionally expressing herself such as dancing and laughing.

As I said, maturing is about learning the subtle variations in life. While men and women both feel emotions, they effect us differently. 

A woman is always a little illogical and exhausted, especially if she has a higher IQ.

A man is always a little emotionally insensitive, especially if he’s single.

Accept our differences and value our emotional experiences. 

We are amazing multiple systems wrapped in skin and that makes us all a little weird.

So embrace that you’re a weirdo and that they are weirdos too.

It makes life so much more manageable. 

Why Live 2.3

2.3 I Value My Health

Being a sad teenager and imagining you’re going to die from a heated battle with a dragon is definitely different than being middle aged and having your doctor tell you the odds that you’ll be dead within 5 years.

I see people use food like I did- a socially acceptable drug, an avoidance tactic, a reward, a punishment, and a burden.

I guess since it’s been an automatic part of our lives since we were conceived that most of us have never really stopped to marvel at how perfectly weird our bodies are.

I used to think that a stomach was to breakdown food. After all, that’s what everyone told me. “Food goes in one end and poop comes out the other.”

The epiphany for me came during my phase where I was obsessed with fossils (I still have an abundant pleasure towards them, just not giving so much of my time to them now) and I learned that from the fossil evidence worms seem to be the first organisms to move out of the oceans and into living “on land" full time.

Have you ever considered what a worm is?

It’s a stomach. A long stomach. It’s fascinating to study it’s “brain" which is just a few hundred neurons.

Keep that in mind when you learn that your colon has neurons too. Like a whole bunch more than a worm.

So your stomach and colon are actually their own living entity wrapped inside your skin. I now call them my Worm Brain.

So when I have food in front of me, I now ask myself “is this something that will help my Worm Brain function in a healthy manner?” 

That was a habit changer for me. Rewards such as sugar were then categorized as “NOPE" for my Worm Brain.

See, emotions are from the mammalian part of the brain- it doesn’t actually digest the foods. So it became illogical to eat foods based on my moods. That would be like my neighbor dictating what kind of fuel I put in the tank of my car. Illogical.

The emotions and the stomach are just neighbors. Yeah they gotta put up with each other over all…..but keep them in their separate houses with their separate rules.

Find a different way to change your emotional state and start feeding your Worm Brain according to its actual nutritional needs.

I value my health. For me, that meant learning the vital role that insulin plays in the body. I starting taking daily potassium, like 2,000 MG a day. As I did that, what I now call Feeling Foods became unappealing to me. The cupcakes and ice creams and puddings were still pretty and I appreciated them in the shop windows… but I stopped eating them.

What I now call Worm Food is anything that I can identify in it’s natural state. Such as avocados, eggs, spinach, wild rice, etc.

Cereal is a Feeling Food. Raw Shrimp cooked at home is Worm Food. 

It’s pretty easy to food shop once you start respecting your Worm Brain and refusing to give management over to the mammalian brain’s feelings.

I know, I know many people get weirded out when I start talking about multiple brains and treating each system inside your body as a separate entity. 

But I don’t get why.

People are perfectly accepting of saying “my" car is made up wheels and an engine and an electrical system. Your body is made of many independently functioning systems but collectively they are still “a body".

And more than ever before we have access to understanding our individual body needs. What foods are you sensitive to? Which range are the varying bacteria in your body? What’s your blood type?

All these questions were impossible to answer even 2 generations ago.

We are so blessed to be able to take simple tests and get this wealth of information to prioritize our health.